more confirmations

So, as I mentioned last time, I had ran into a woman that I genuinely liked and that I used to chat with on fb. She did make me consider reconnecting through another fb page. Then yesterday, I ran into a woman that I have a curious relationship with. She is really one of the very few women that I truly believe have no problem with me wearing dresses, like none. I never got the feeling that she was saying what I wanted to hear for any reason, just that she thought it was cool. As a consequence, there is a special place in my heart for her. On the other hand, we have had one really bad spell where she got quite angry and was very hurtful to me. In the end, we made up and we were chatting on fb a bit. She is a not great at initiating but she does do it at times. She has gotten into a very serious relationship but she has told me that her hubby to be is cool with her having a tranny friend. Anyway, she finally (2 weeks plus) noticed that the fb page was gone. She asked last week and I told her why. This week she brought it up again and we ended up chatting and by the end of it I was having the same feeling as when I saw the other lady who made me want to chat again. But I'm a big believer in omens. I just like the notion of being given signs about decisions. It is romantic and nonsensical but for my tranny life, I embrace it. I don't do it for any serious decisions but for stuff like this, whether I should start a new fb page or not, I totally look at the signs. Anyway, so, yesterday, I also got to see a lady I totally loved chatting with. She is amazing on almost all fronts and I was really, really sad to lose her with the death of Vanessa. Buuuuuuuut, she is also in the early stages of a relationship and this one has been getting closer to the point where she needs to disclose who she talks with on fb. For a long time, she has known this would mean that I would have to disappear and her and I could not chat any longer. Anyway, she went on a trip with her man. She was not sure how things would work out. If they were good (which is really good for her btw b/c the guy is pretty cool), then she and I would most likely have to stop chatting. So, after having 2 women make me think that I should consider a new fb page, I saw her and got the report that the trip was great. So, great news for her and I am genuinely happy for her. But it was a completely clear message to me that I should not do a new fb page or at least consider contacting anyone through it. I was very sad about the loss.

Then today, who do I have to work with? A fantastic lady that was the one that really was the straw that made me kill Vanessa. She is really great and I would not have opened up to her if I didn't think that way. But it is so painful to have her working with me. One because, she really did break my heart with what she said. Two, because of my injury, I really don't want to see or talk to her. Three, I don't want to talk to her but we work in a group and so you have to pretend to be all friendly. It was painful, awful, horrible and it ruined my day even more. I just would rather never ever work with her again, then I don't have to talk with her, also, I don't want to be in close proximity to her because I don't want to make her feel badly. She was totally correct in her statement to me, she was very observant and there can be no debate about what she said. That is all fine, but I was devastated by it and I have no interest in hanging out with someone who really hurt me, even if it wasn't on purpose. Plus, I really don't want to make her feel badly. I just want to avoid her. Fuck me.

So all in all I'm hating life right now. I am too busy so I never get to dress up. Tragic really, I've got an amazing boy life and I should be doing fucking cartwheels about my situation. Well, I've said it for a while...I'm cursed.