Well, I've got a bit of time this morning and since I am actually pretty caught up on my paperwork, I thought I'd blog. Alas, I have nothing happy to report. I finally had a chat with the SO regarding the fact that I never get to dress up. Getting her to talk about it was hard enough and then she was all grumpy and that really facilitated a productive discussion. I pointed out that I was down about not being able to dress up. She pretty much said I should book a hotel to go into the city for the nights I'm going to go out and that would address me not being able to dress up at home or at my office. That will fail spectacularly. Why? Well, I don't know if I've ever talked about this issue but I'm actually pretty scared about dressing up. Being supremely sensitive, I'm acutely aware of others and it really makes me self-conscious. Now, I already have a pretty deep self-dislike b/c of being a tranny. Add a bit of public scorn and I'm really hooped. To clarify, I hate being out in the open when I'm in drag b/c I feel like a freak and i feel vulnerable. So, getting dressed up and going to Sincity was hard enough...in fact, the process of getting parked and walking to the club was murder on me. As much as it was liberating, it was terrifying and there were times when I chickened out b/c there would be a function in the city that would bring out the loser element and I wouldn't go out. For instance, the fireworks, football games, hockey games and UFC events. If any of these was going on, I stayed home. Why? b/c the people that attend such functions are the kind that are most likely to make fun of or harass a tranny. As much as I'm aware I could pound them into a pulp, I really don't like any conflict. There is an old saying, "when two tigers fight, one is mortally wounded and the other one is killed." I think that is pretty much true...most conflicts are bad for all parties. Anyway, back to the issue at hand, I am relatively fearful of going out for fear of getting into a conflict AND...I also am insecure about how I look AND...I don't want to push my trannyness on people that really shouldn't be exposed to it. So, let's say I book a hotel...and I go and get done up there...I've got to do the long trip down the elevator and traverse the lobby and then get a cab. These things are not easy for me solo...not at all. The only time I've gone out while dressed at a hotel was in Seattle and I ran down 7 flights of stairs in heels...snuck out the back exit and caught a cab...While that experience was positive (especially when I returned only to realize I had left my hotel key in the room and had to ask the lovely lady at the concierge for a key), I feel very apprehensive about cruising through the lobby of a hotel in drag. I didn't even do it when I was in San Francisco!
The other variable is cost...a decent hotel in the city will run you about $250... so 4 nights in drag and I'm one grand in...That seems ridiculous to me and will also work as a major discentive.
What this all boils down to is, I still have no solution. I'm still quite upset with the SO for just throwing out that option and not considering the reality of it.Anyway, life goes on...there are bigger fish to fry.
