So, I have been giving more thought to the question of what would I want from my female friends. When I think of things that make me melt on the inside, it is almost around things that have been said to me or suggested in the past. I have mentioned 2 previous comments in this blog before, the time when my gf said that "I even drive like a woman," and a few things that my work gf has said. One other one that will always be special was the time a girl that I was totally in love with came and sat behind my bar with me. I was a bartender then at a niteclub. Since below my waist was hidden, I wore nylons a lot. So while she was sitting there she observed me and said, "you have great legs, you should wear nylons more often." She didn't say this to make me feel good but b/c that is how she felt. I'll always love her for that!
I think it is also very important that the tone be a certain way. I generally respond well to firm pushing and a more dominant tone works great with me. "Go put your nylons on," as opposed to, "you can wear them if you want," is everything. I think I need to be told because there is still a loud voice inside me that rejects my tranny side. That voice often works against me getting dressed up or going out. It is a very rational and intelligent voice, it knows that dressing up is risky and not cool in most circles and, as such, when I am feeling the desire to dress up, the naysaying voice will overwhelm the tranny voice and I don't dress up. But, if I had someone encouraging me, then I wouldn't want to let them down and it would give me extra motivation. But she would need to be firm...I can think that 2 women I know right now fit that description. One is my work gf and the other is my new friend. My work friend is a bit too protective but she also has that strength to be really demanding. I just think she hasn't embraced it b/c she is preoccupied of late and needs to understand how this will benefit her as well.
It may seem insane but I actually do want to be pushed closer to being outed...I think the appeal of this is having a woman that actually doesn't care if I'm a queen and doesn't care what other people might think. They would want me dressed up so much that the other stuff would be irrelevant. The difficulty with this proposition is most of the woman I become friends with are very understanding that being outed could potentially be bad and, as a consequence, are less likely to push me.
This brings up my new friend. We have been acquainted for a few years now, she is a super hot dresser and I would die to dress like her. As a consequence of this I have pushed the tranny-toned discussions with her for some time. Interestingly enough she is super nice but not super warm, so I wasn't sure whether this topic was well-received or actually bothersome. One thing about us is we have a connection on a deeper level. I'm pretty sure she has some angst and seeks an inner tranquility which is identical to me. The cause of her angst is not clear to me but we do share this mutual desire to drink more deeply from life and try to pull more joy from it. It is very clear to me that she has a very good soul and is a bit fragile way down deep inside. On the other hand, there is quite a power in her as well and this is tantalizing. She is also quite stunning and is interested in fashion and dressing up...She's a bit hard to communicate with by facebook but I am hopeful our friendship can build b/c I think it has great potential.
Her and I speak via facebook. Her fb page is pretty "normal" as it is partly related to her work and her social network. So after a little bit of chatting on fb the question of being official fb friends came up. At that time I was very reluctant b/c my profile pic can be me as a maid or something pretty different and this would mean someone creeping could note I'm a tranny and I was worried about being recognized. So, no befriending at that time. Then she got very slow to respond to our chats and I sort of guessed that our discussion was going to fade away. She would send a 1 sentence message and I would respond that day and 10 days later I'd get another sentence. I just figured she was busy and our dynamic wasn't motivating her to chat. Anyway, then a little while ago, she started chatting a bit more and she asked me to be a friend again. I befriended her and then looked at her friend list (which I could not do without being a friend first). I saw about 15 people I knew as a boy! So I unfriended her. Then things got interesting, she persisted! I explained my concerns and she basically told me to change my profile pic to one that is much harder to see the boi me in. I did but then I was concerned that it might be detrimental for her to have a tranny friend. She doesn't care! How cool is she? Anyway, that is super hot to me. Also, my fb privacy is pretty good now, so I don't need to worry that someone can see my photos or any telling info. So I'm entering a new phase where I feel okay having my profile as a friend with people who may be connected to people I know.
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