So, up until now I've kept pretty quiet about who I share Vanessa with but I think I want to chat about this a little. It is a bit difficult for me because it is obviously something that would make my SO be pretty freaked out. It would be next to impossible to make her understand why I need these friends and why I risk trusting them. For her it is all a big risk and when you don't get the incredible benefit, it makes no sense. But....one of the most special things for me is the opportunity to girltalk, girlbond and just be one of the girls. And, I have actually found some girls that are completely not concerned about my physical gender. They are pretty rare and the process of finding out often takes months and even years. I gently or playfully joke about girlstuff and watch their responses, then I figure a way to assess how they feel about boi's dressing and then take it further until I chance to share. Often they have pretty much guessed but it is always really scary for me. The other part of the process is evaluating whether these ladies can be trusted with a secret...any clue that they aren't good a keeping secrets and I simply never tell them. What none of them can appreciate is how special they are. They never see all the women that I don't tell...the thousands of them that don't meet the stringent criteria.
Now, I have a colleague that I work with a ton, who I told about 4 years ago. She was one of the first I told after moving out here and it was really scary at first. She is an incredibly cool person in the sense that she really (and I mean really ) doesn't care about what I wear. Most people who say they don't care, do still wrestle with seeing me in a dress. It is just such an odd sight to see that you can't help but be sort of perplexed by the image. I get it b/c I see myself in the mirror and think that way.
Anyway, the way I told her was sort of fun. Now, I am always talking about girl's clothes, make-up and the like. In doing so, I'm often "feeling out" people to get a sense of how they are about it. This lady LOVES shopping and shoes and so we bonded quickly on that. Also, she never cared one iota about the fact it was a boi looking at the heels with her. So...one time she and another lady were both wearing black heels and I joked that I was going to get some to match. She was not fazed, so I went out to value village and got a pair on my lunch break. Now, I consider it an omen that there was a perfect fitting pair at the value village that day....the gods wanted me to do this. Anyway, I wore them when I was at my desk for a "joke" for a few days. A bit later on I was worried it was getting weird for her so I stopped. Then she sensed that I was bummed about not wearing my heels and I opened up to her. Ultimately, she doesn't care about anything I do if it is not effecting her and my outfit has no effect on her. So, from this I have progressed to being able to share more with her than anyone else I've ever known.
This would be a good point to put in the disclaimer...She is married, not overly happily, but still married. I am taken. Also, I actually think she finds me as attractive as a street post. She is quite private about her preferences and if she has any kinks but I just know that I'm not the type of boi she would seek out. I think she is beautiful but I am devoted to the SO. Honestly, I couldn't see her and I as a couple b/c of how she interacts with me...generally, you can sense when someone is attracted to you and I totally don't get that vibe from her. It is actually a bit of a joke between us b/c I think the thought of her being with me might actually make her skin crawl. lol.
So the neat thing about her is she has that heaven-sent instinct to say the perfect thing without being prompted or asked or anything. The other thing is she is completely at ease with "taking advantage of the situation." Whereas my SO is totally opposed to "using" my dressing and submissive tendencies for her benefit, my work buddy thinks it is great. If she didn't have family at home, she'd have me as her maid in heartbeat. Also, any chance she gets to use me as an assistant, she takes it and loves it. What really makes her special and I mean, crazy special is her reactions. She has said so many things over the years that would be right out of my greatest dream. That being said, she is also extremely careful about my dressing and very private. Several instances of her awesomeness come to mind, with a recent one being her having me do paperwork. Now, when I do some paperwork, it is in a little hidden space that is blocked from the public. It isn't in a separate room but it is hidden by the walls. Oh, I almost forgot that reason she lets me be her assistant is b/c she knows how much I enjoy it. She knows how much it means to me as we have discussed my home situation lots over the years. And times when I have been really down about my situation, she has come up with opportunities to dress up at work and been very encouraging. She has a wonderful heart hidden in a demanding chest...perfection.
So over the last few weeks I had been grumbling about being able to get dressed so, when I came in on Monday, she had a list of duties for me to do! How cool was that...then b/c I had some other stuff come up I couldn't get completely painted. I was also kind of grumbly about not getting done up the w/e before and my SO not being sympathetic so I did my work and then just got going on being her assistant in boi mode. She mentioned this and that it felt "wrong" to have me doing assistant work dressed as a boi. I tell you, that was amazing...in other words she felt it is right for me to wear a dress and heels!!!! Angels sing! So after my mood perked up, I put on my dress, nylons, heels, bra and falsies and got back to work. She is quite bossy and it is fantastic to be her assistant. Plus she's really funny and fun to chat with...just like girltalk while working. I did this for a while. Interestingly we had a person want to come to the office for something. She always locks the door when I am dressed up. So she asked me if I wanted to stay in the little space while the person came in. I was totally thrilled to do this and so the person came in and I was 6 feet (and 1 wall) away! It was really cool b/c it was a new, bolder step for her to do this.
The next opportunity I had was this week when my computer died. Since I couldn't work on my stuff, she put me to work on hers! The amazing thing she did this time was, since client were still coming in, I couldn't get fully dressed but she suggested that I could at least wear heels back in the hidden area. I was thrilled and then I realized that it would be crazy to wear heels with socks so I had to put on nylons. Amazing...then while I was working for her, she asked if I ever use a womens voice when I dress up. I said no but I thought it would be fun to try but I'm a little shy about that. Anyway, she said I should practice so I could do even more of her tasks...like the phone stuff...OMG...
One other really special moment for me was when she got me to make her coffee...it was clear that I was to do it for her and not for both of us...
Anyway, I feel truly lucky to have her as a friend. I'll chat about some other friends as well in time! cheers
No comments:
Post a Comment