just because

So, I just feel like doing a blog b/c I don't want to do my other, less fabulous work right now. Plus I'm really sort of wrestling with Vanessa's direction right now. As I mentioned a few blogs back, I really would like to have some sort of job/official occupation for Vanessa to help legitimize her. Something that would enable me to feel that she is real and has a real role would really be meaningful for me. The maid thing is on the horizon. A while back the SO and I chatted about this issue and she said that once summer is done, I could do my maid thing at my house 1x every 2 weeks. I believe I have mentioned my concerns with this but there are a few. First of all, I already clean my house, so it feels less "real job" like to me. Also, I am worried that the SO will either treat me like me and not the maid, which will lessen the reality or that she will cancel at the last minute and leave me unable to do it. That being said, I am very optimistic that she might actually allow it as she does see the safety in having me dressed up at my place and not wandering all over in drag. Also, she does acknowledge the need for an outlet that is workable for my schedule and professional commitments. So, I can't wait to get this going. I'm hoping to build from it with regards to the SO. I want to use this as a platform for her to get to know Vanessa as a separate person. In doing so, I hope to allow her to see that the boi me and Vanessa really are quite distinct. This could hopefully allow her to get to know Vanessa as Vanessa and not as her male partner. If I haven't said I'm an optimist in the past...this should be a pretty obvious example of it. So, what if it fails...she doesn't allow me to be the maid b/c she treats me like me or she schedules something that makes it impossible for me. Well, this will create a need for another outlet, which will mean she will have to allow me to pursue other opportunities to be Vanessa on a regular basis.

Which brings up something that is bugging me...what could I do to be Vanessa on an official/regular basis???? Things I have considered are maid, my own secretary, busgirl at alternative club I love, housekeeper at big building, working in a beauty supply place, helping at burlesque shows, back up girl in drag show and I'm sure others that just aren't coming to me. To work through these...the maid thing is still quite doable and that is great. My own secretary is also doable but dressing up might be a bit tougher b/c of the SO potentially coming in. Still has potential though. Sadly both of these are the least official...unless I get to be a maid for someone other than the SO....that could still be on the table. I contacted the guy who runs club 23 and got no reply on my offer to be a busgirl so that died. I don't know of any other places I could do it...if I did, I'd check it out. The housekeeper thing is WAY to risky for getting caught and outed so it cannot be...sigh. Working at a beauty supply store is tantalizing but it would really have to only be part time and I'm pretty limited on my availability so...it's pretty unlikely...too bad b/c that might be a good opportunity and also, if I stayed far away from home, pretty safe. The burlesque show thing is kind of unlikely but it is the kind of thing I need to pursue and that would mean getting out to the shows and getting to know the girls and seeing if I could be a helper somehow...I'm not sure how it would work out. Most of the girls I have met thus far are super cool and the scene would most likely be quite positive. I suspect I'm going to do more field research in this in the fall. The drag show thing stems from my fb page. Every night I get on fb and see all the fabu queens at clubs, hanging out and looking so gorgeous and I think to myself, "why don't I have a groups of queens as friends and get out with them?" I have tried to get to know the local queens on fb and it has been pretty unsuccessful. Several of the girls won't add me and even when I ask a question of them about how they did a certain look or something, no response. So, if they are a bunch of snobs, then pursuing this one seems a bit fruitless (lol). That being said, I get on fb, see the photos and go, "I've got to do this!"

So, this is where I feel like a bit of a failure. I can't come up with other potential ideas. Ideally, the job would be relatively private or be in a place where open-minded people abound. A stock girl for a place would be great, cleaning up at a salon would be okay but the hours might be a challenge....I'm just sort of stuck with other ideas. I don't expect any suggestions here but if you could post it as a comment I'd be thrilled.