sigh

Well, gentle reader, I don't know if this is the best time to be blogging but, unfortunately, this time has fallen into my lap and I don't get a lot of time to do this, so I'm going to run with it. I hope it makes me feel better than I do right now, as my mood is right pissed off. As always there is lots of stuff to talk about and much of it is wonderful but, as is always the case, I'm caught in a bind and need the SO to loosen the leash if I'm going to actually make some of this stuff happen.

The good news is, and this if totally amazing, I have 3 good options to be a maid. One girl is wonderful and very motivated to have me over. Unfortunately, geography is working against us. She lives about a 1 hour drive and with the time it takes me to get ready plus the 2 hours return, it is almost impossible for me to sneak away. Another lady is an good friend who is super cool and I probably would have already been her maid but she has been in the midst of a wonderful relationship developing and this has posed obstacles. The primary concern I have had was the potential impact on a potential mate having a tranny maid would pose. I am fairly confident that the majority of men would be uncomfortable or put off by finding out that a potential spouse had deviants like me in their sphere. Anyway, she kind of got outed about our friendship and told him and he was fine with it. She is closer and as a consequence, I could make a go of it if I could sort out one major logistical problem. The 3rd potential is a wonderful lady that I just adore. She has actually been out with me in drag and is fine with the idea of me being her maid.

So, why am I not doing it already? 1 logistical and one theoretic problem. The logistical problem is pretty obvious if you understand the whole maid gig thing. So, I'll explain a little. The maid thing has been a fantasy of mine for years because it involves wearing a dress and hose while you work, that is the tranny side. The maid job is also somewhat submissive but not completely, which sort of suits me. The actual act of cleaning someone I adores home totally appeals to the pleaser in me. This is pretty critical for me and one of the more important aspects of the whole idea. I need to be doing something to make the other person happy and appreciative. I carry an enormous amount of guilt about bringing this topic to the table in my life. Cleaning the house would at least make me have some redeeming use. If someone is willing to allow me to live out one of the greatest fantasies I have ever had, then I'm going to do my absolute maximum to make them glad they did. Another important aspect of the maid gig thing is, I need to feel that it is close to real. Interestingly enough this is the source of a few issues. the first one actually ties into my 3rd potential client/boss. Since she and I totally love each other as friends, she would want me to come over just to visit and be a friend. She is remarkably like my SO in that she has almost zero kinks and so there is nothing tantalizing about me being her maid. It is a bit too fake and too much of a little fantasy game if I'm just coming over in drag and doing a tiny bit of tidying. Also, and this is a really hard one, I would prefer to come as the maid and leave as the maid. Uniform and fully made up is really how I want it to be. That is a big problem and is the big logistical problem I currently face. I could have done some work on June 15th at my nearer ladies as I had a bit of time, but I didn't want to get painted and dressed there. I can't get ready at home b/c the SO would freak and if I came to my office to get dressed, I would either have to get here super early, which would make the SO suspicious or be busted leaving the office and getting to my car. I suspect I am just going to have to get ready at my bosses until I can sort this out.

Problem number 2, I'm very honest and I would rather the SO knows that I'm being a maid for others. But I'm pretty certain that she will not be pleased about this. Now, I am really wrestling with this one b/c she wants nothing to do with this side of me, and is fine with me going out into the city dressed up so that I can have my opportunity to get some dressing up in. Anyway part of me thinks, "fuck you, you hate my dressing so I'll do this for someone who is cool with it!" Also, let's be completely  100% clear here, this is not infidelity. I want the maid thing to be real! I also am well aware of the fact that I have a pretty fantastic life and relationship except for this issue and am not going to throw it away. But I can honestly say that I really don't want to be the SO's maid ever b/c the tranny side of me does not want to please her. Not anymore. Keeping in mind that my tranny side is rarely present when the SO is.

So, what to do? I'm going to feel out the concept of discussing me being a maid for someone else but this will mean that I have to let her know that I have told others about Vanessa. I feel it is time to do this anyway as I'm sick of all this.

Okay, so other stuff, I have been to Value Village a few times in the last few months and had a blast.

I am planning on going to the Madonna concert in Vancouver in drag...We'll see but it works perfectly b/c there is a Sincity that night.

I was supposed to be dressed at work today. 2 things made this fail. One, I forgot to get a better eyebrow pencil and as a consequence, I would have looked a shitty as the last time I got painted at work. This may sound lame but I'm a bit worried that the SO might stop by today and that risk plus the inevitable frustration of looking like crap b/c the makeup I have here is lousy just made it not worth it.

I guess I didn't mention that my office buddy has noted that I never get dressed up so she has schedule time in my month to dress up. that is cool but I really need to get better make-up here as the first time I tried the glue I use to stick my brow down with failed and my brow pencils failed and my eyelash glue failed and my lipstick failed...so I looked terrible and that sort of detracted from the experience. Anyway, I got new glue which is great but I forgot about the brow pencil...and that is why I'm so bitter right now...fuck.

I'm really feeling frustrated about my dressing up right now...really frustrated.